Author Archives: mheney

Defend thyself!

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides , the pig likes it. 

– George Bernard Shaw

One of the more frustrating things to run up against is people who will spout an opinion, but can’t or won’t defend it. There are two pieces to this:

  • if you haven’t given the subject enough thought to be able to defend it, how can you hold that opinion so strongly? and
  • How are you going to convince me, who holds a contrary opinion, that you’re right (and I’m wrong) if you can’t connect the dots for me?

“Tribalism” plays a large role in this. You believe something because your tribe believes it. You share things not to convince anyone, but to show you belong. And as a result, you end up emotionally invested in those opinions—and emotion vs. logic never plays out well.

There are a number of different approaches people take to handle challenges to their closely-held beliefs:

The Victim: Wonders why they’re being “attacked” over their opinion, and believes that the act of holding an opinion endows them with credibility; you have no right to question them. The tribe may join in, denouncing you as “outsider” (“you liberals just want to …” / “you right-wingers all think …”) and basically shouting you down.

The Artful Dodger: Rather than address your question / comments, they’ll shift the conversation in a direction intended to put you on the defensive. You get the feeling that they’re more interested in looking clever at your expense than they are in convincing you of anything. Typically, they’ll answer a question with a question, and before you know it, your question on HOT lanes has morphed into a defense of school lunches. They “win” by having avoided answering your question.

The Zealot: Holds basic premises which are off the table, as they come down from a Higher Authority. If you don’t share those basic premises, the conversation is going nowhere fast, as the Zealot insists on starting from that point.

The Liar: Has a vested interest in the subject matter that is independent of (or in conflict with) the evidence. So, they make stuff up. They’ll impugn your motives—again, the tactic of putting you on the defensive. They can’t legitimately defend their positions—but they can make it very difficult to challenge them, by shifting all the burden to you.


 

Why does this matter?  The only way to #stampoutstupid is for people to talk to each other, and more importantly, to listen to each other—finding areas where they agree, understanding why they disagree, and doing so with respect. And that’s not always easy. But, in short:

  • Don’t fall into these traps yourself. I like my preconceived notions and my tribe as much as the next person does—but the conversation’s going nowhere if we’re all hunkered down.
  • Try to make it a conversation, not a confrontation. Which, given that we’re talking about questioning someone’s position on a topic, isn’t always easy.
  • Be willing to learn things, and perhaps have your mind changed.
  • Know when to bail. Discretion is, at times, the better part of valor.

Keep on stampin’!